Phantom Pregnancy Pains

Pregnancy. Not my favourite thing in the world. But not terrible either. As pregnancies go, I think I had a pretty fantastic one. Aside from mild evening queasiness (made easy by living up the luxury of laying on the couch eating crackers and bell peppers and watching reality TV thanks to the fact that I had no other children), a trip to the doctor for what my neighbour/nurse thought could be appendicitis (why didn't anyone tell me about ligament pain!?), and some severe swelling for a couple of days (note to self: when 9 months pregnant, it is not advisable to cook in 100 degree weather + 90% humidity all day long with no air conditioning), I had it easy.

I felt great so I just kept working right up to my due date and every one of those 10 days I went overdue and even traveled at 39 weeks without one flight attendant batting an eye.

I loved the weekly updates and rejoiced when my baby grew past seeds and beans to fruits and finally to sporting equipment! And, oh, the feeling of those first flutters which eventually turned into feet in my ribs and thrilled not only me but also my husband, and even humoured colleagues as my belly would ripple during meetings.

I'm not sad to not be pregnant anymore. Of course, I'll be excited to be pregnant again one day - but mostly because I love babies.

In the mean time though, there are times when I feel little flutters and bumps inside my belly. Its almost as if my little man is still in there kicking and I have to stop and remember - no he's out now. I have never heard of phantom pregnancy pains, but I have heard of people who have lost limbs who can still feel pain. (So strange, by the way).

So, it begs the question - do I have an overactive imagination? Wishful thinking? Or am I in fact experiencing phantom pregnancy pains?

Happy to be holding my baby on the outside,

Dreaming Again

How does revelation come walking the aisles of Bunnings? There's something about the smell of saw dust that just makes the world okay for me.

It must be growing up the daughter of a contractor (who, ironically, ended up developing an allergy to saw dust and changed careers)... falling asleep on the construction site to a symphony of power tools while my 18 year old mother helped her new husband on the job...

Or the special memories of walking the aisles with my builder-turned-minister husband who can talk for hours about the physics of different types of hammers. And I'm not exaggerating.

Today as I walked those aisles, breathing deep and smiling at the elderly lady who had her arms full of a special project I could tell she was just itching to get started on, hoping that one day I could be just like her, I remembered the last time that I had walked those aisles.

It was the day that I had started labour and I remembered the very chair I sat in when I had the first long contraction that caused me to need to catch my breath. And the woman who looked at my sympathetically. And the shopkeeper who came to ask if I was okay as I laid my head on the little DIY table. And then the determination I had to suck it up and not show the pain when I realised that people saw there was "movement at the station." (I hated that phrase during the 10 days I was overdue, by the way.)

And while I enjoyed the memories that came flooding back - and the fact that there were special things about the day that made it so memorable that it would strike me in an ordinary moment like that, I also got a little bit sad.

Because if that day was the last day I was at Bunnings, that means that I haven't been to Bunnings in almost four months. And its one of my favourite places to be.

In that moment, I realised all over again just how much my life has changed in the past four months. There are the obvious changes - the weeks without sleep, the overflowing rubbish bins, the yellow poop stains on my favourite shorts, and the fact that my heart feels like it has tripled in size.

But its the subtle changes that surprised me... the fact that I had not had a moment to do one of my very favourite things in almost four months.

So as I walked the aisle today, holding the hand of my favourite man, as he pushed the pram holding our sleeping sweetheart, I relished in what it meant for my heart to dream again...

Planning the deck we could build on the back of our house, the dwarfed fruit trees (um, they have dwarf avacado trees now!? yes, please!) we would put on it and the friends we should share the fruits with... Calculating how many cold cokes we'd have to sell for a dollar to save the money to do it.

And picking out the new floor we could put down at our ministry centre so that our friends who have an Indigenous dance outreach could practice and the teenagers who need a safe place to hang out can dance their precious little hearts away... And feeling motivated again to get that grant application in to see it a reality.

Teasing. Laughing. Loving. Disliking. Problem Solving. Not having to use the toilet every 5 minutes.

It felt good to dream again.

Choosing Where to Give Birth

Choosing where to give birth is an important part of preparing for your baby. Every family, of course is different, but here is some of our journey:

We had four options for places to give birth in our town.

1. The State Hospital - as Aussie residents, this would be covered by our public health insurance (awesome!). Most of our checkups, however, would be with whatever midwife or doctor was on duty (not so ideal!)
2. The Private Hospital - Not having private health insurance, we would've had to pay outright for this. No thanks!
   
3. The Birth Centre - also included in health insurance (YES!) and our checkups would be with one midwife the entire way through.
   
4. Home Birth - There's only one midwife who does home births in town and he (yes, he) must be paid for outside of public insurance.

After seeking lots of advice, we considered some of our values and preferences and decided to go with the birth centre. Here's why:

1. Cost. Being that it was covered by our public insurance made it a BIG bonus.
2. Low intervention. I really wanted to have our first baby drug free. A big part of this was to see whether I could do it - I love a challenge! But as we did our research, we became concerned about some of the effects that drugs could have on our baby and that gave us even more motivation.
3. Low cesarean rates. Obviously, there are times when a cesar is needed and I am SO glad that the technology is there. We have so much to be grateful for in the developed world! However, with hospitals being over 30% cesar rates in my town, I was concerned that perhaps I would be sent to cesar without truly needing one.
4. One-on-one care. We liked this option more because it meant we didn't have long lines in the hospital; however, after getting to know our midwife, having one-on-one labour and breast feeding training, and developing a trusting relationship, we cannot recommend this model enough!
5. Beautiful environment. Some hospitals are built for this; others are not. Our State Hospital has lots of good birthing aids, and does their best, but it still feels very much like a hospital. Its small and clinical and loud.
   
6. Short recovery time. Again, I like to tough it out and I liked that generally a birth centre recovery only lasts 4-6 hours.

The room we laboured in with our little boy.

The Birth Centre is not for everyone. We were fortunate enough to have a "low risk" pregnancy - bub and I were healthy all the way through - so we were able to have that option. Unfortunately, due to some complications somewhere between 8 & 10 centimetres, we had to be transferred to the hospital. You can read the story here.

Having our amazing midwife made that transition GREAT. The hospital was a corridor away. She was a champion and really helped me through the whole rest of the delivery. I don't think it would've gone as well without her. Plus, she fought for us in the decision making when things were chaotic because she knew our prefernces. AND, since the birth of our sweet little boy, we have loved the follow up visits (usually at home!) and someone we can ring at any time with questions. If we had to do it again, we would definitely go with the birth centre again!